Monday, October 26, 2009

Fact

Have I ever told you my theory that slugs are slimy evil minions of the vampiric undead?

Fact: You never see vampires during the day time.
Fact: You never see slugs during the day time.

Fact: Vampires hate holy water.
Fact: Slugs hate salt water.

Fact: Vampires can be killed with a stake to the heart.
Fact: Slugs love tomato stakes and will often climb up them to discourage would-be vampire hunters from using the stakes to kill the slugs' undead masters.

Conclusion: Slugs = Evil minions of the vampiric undead.

This morning I had to drop Scott off very early for work. Instead of going back to bed I took advantage of the pre-dawn hours to clean up the patio.

Fact: The Army can accomplish more before 9am than most people do all day because the human brain doesn't realize it's awake until about 9:45 or the second cup of coffee, whichever comes first.
Fact: The party in the next courtyard was still going strong at 5:15.
Fact: An Army recruiter lives in the next courtyard.
Conclusion: The Army can party more before 9am than most people do all day.

Around 5 this morning I was dumping water out of empty pots and buckets, dumping heavy heavy heavy clay dirt and mini-boulders in to construction-strength trash bags so I could carry them downstairs. I moved a few plants around, splashed in the puddles on the way back up from the dumpster and generally playing around with the garden. Then I remembered that slugs like dark, damp muddy things like buckets of clay, planters, puddles and saucers full of water. I came back inside and poured myself a cup of coffee. I think there may be a slug on my cardigan, but I refuse to look. I just took it off and left it on the patio.

Fact: I'm not afraid of slugs.
Fact: I just don't like touching slimy things in the dark. That's what she said.
Conclusion: Wait until daylight to sweep off the patio.